Why You Should Challenge Yourself to Engage with Conflict & Tips on How to Start
We know avoiding conflict isn’t the answer. But how do you actually get yourself to lean into difficult conversations instead of running the other way?
Here’s how to push past the discomfort and step into the conversation with more confidence.
First, let’s acknowledge that conflict is hard. It stirs up emotions, makes us feel vulnerable, and can challenge our sense of security. But here’s the thing—leaning into conflict isn’t about seeking out arguments or embracing confrontation for the sake of it. It’s about making a conscious choice to address issues before they spiral into bigger problems.
When you start engaging with conflict more, you’ll begin to see it not as something to fear, but as an opportunity to create better understanding, build deeper connections, and strengthen your ability to navigate life’s inevitable challenges.
1. Reframe Conflict as an Opportunity
Instead of seeing conflict as something negative, try thinking of it as a chance to:
Strengthen a relationship
Clear up misunderstandings
Work through a problem before it gets worse
Build trust by showing honesty and openness
When we see conflict as an opportunity instead of a threat, it becomes a lot easier to face.
2. Start Small
If diving into a big, emotional conversation feels too overwhelming, don’t start there. Begin with smaller, low-stakes conversations—like giving someone gentle feedback or addressing a minor frustration. The more you practice, the more comfortable you’ll become.
3. Prepare, But Don’t Over-Script
It helps to have a game plan, but don’t stress about getting every word right. Before you start a tough conversation, think through:
What’s the issue? (What’s happening?)
Why does it matter? (What’s the impact?)
What do I hope to accomplish? (What’s the ideal outcome?)
Having a loose structure can help you stay focused without making the conversation feel robotic or rehearsed.
4. Get Comfortable with Discomfort
Here’s the thing—conflict isn’t supposed to feel great. It’s normal to feel nervous or uneasy. The key is to recognize that discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re doing something important. Lean into it. Acknowledge it. And remember, the short-term discomfort of a tough conversation is nothing compared to the long-term stress of unresolved conflict.
5. Focus on Listening, Not Just Talking
One of the biggest fears around conflict is that it’ll turn into an argument. But when you make a point to truly listen—rather than just waiting for your turn to talk—you create space for a more constructive discussion. Try:
Asking open-ended questions (“How do you see this situation?”)
Summarizing what the other person said (“So what I’m hearing is…”)
Acknowledging emotions, even if you don’t agree (“I can see why you’d feel that way.”)
6. Look at Your Track Record
Think about past conflicts—both the ones you handled and the ones you avoided. What happened in each case? Most of the time, addressing an issue head-on leads to better results than letting it fester. Use those experiences as motivation to tackle difficult conversations instead of dodging them.
7. Set a Conflict Goal
Try this: Challenge yourself to engage in one tough conversation this week. It could be giving someone honest feedback, addressing a small frustration, or finally bringing up that issue you’ve been avoiding. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
The Bottom Line
Conflict isn’t the enemy—avoidance is. When you push yourself to engage with tough conversations, you build stronger relationships, reduce stress, and become a more confident, respected leader.
So, what’s one conversation you’ve been avoiding? Maybe today’s the day to have it.